I'm the new face of 'JACKED' supplments

So last saturday morning im in the gym, tearing up the 200lb dumbells and the gym manager comes over and starts giving me sh1t about snapping sum bars squating n sh1t. Hes like "those bars werent built to handle that kinda weight" so i tell him "your face wasnt built to handle my 18's" so he backs off like a ***** and goes back to his desk.

Im half way into my 5 hourr routine, musta had about half a ton over my head when some guy in a cheap assed suit comes over. His glasses damn near cracked seeing me shifting some serious pounds. Im like "what the **** u want son?" and hes all sorry n sh1t for bustin in on my session. He tells me hes from some huge ass company, they heard about me, how im serious sh1t in the muscle world, they had to send someone down to check on this polish revolution.


Hes all ike "we want you to back our new supplment" so i throw down the weights and tell him "go find a protein *****, im natural jacked" but hes all grinin n sh1t telling me their new blend is 100% prtoeins free, meant for professional athletes like me. Tells me hes got a quarter mil in his briefcase and a first class ticket to the labs to do some testing n sh1t, see if im on board.

Flew out to the lab thst night, some kind nasa sh1t, they got pictures of me all over the walls, studying my jacked frame, wanna know how my muscles work. Hook me up to sum machines, testing my strength, scene like right outta Rocky 4 except i aint no fake ass actor, .Went off the scale on every damn test, got f@gs in white coats running all over the place, alarms going off everywhere, musta blown the computers or sum sh1t, they aint built to calculate muscle this dense. One guys tries to xray my biceps, see how deep these diamond cuts go, problem is the ***** assed xrays cant pass through my fibras, turns out my body is like a piece of lead, theyaint never seen sh1t like this before,

ABout an hour later and they bring me some samples, got my face on the container, marketing knew my polska good looks will help shift a couple hundred million boxes of this sh1t. Comes in two flavors, vanilla and jack daniels. Im like "this sh1t work?" and the management starts laughing "hell, no, its just grounded up bones n sh1t, meant for *****s with weak ass genetics who cant grow muscles natural" Me n the directors hollering for a good 20 mins at the thought of those b1tches who buy this sh1t thinking they gonna get jacked. just a pay day to me though son.

Signed a couple hundred autographs for the directors n workers, got in a quick bicep workout then flew the **** home with another 2 mil.