Thursday, February 24, 2011

Had to give a talk at some school

PTAwas all over my ass this week, especially since most of the mothers wanna get a peak of my jacked frame in the flesh, asking me to do some talk at the local school. They wanted a successfu; businessman like me to tell the kids what the **** to do if they wanna get rich n sh1t in life.

Usually i aint got time for sh1t like this but the court is all over my ass for wrecking the skull of some b1tch last month so its jail or this, either way they re wasting my ****ing time.

I rolled up at the school at 9am, got about 1000 faces at the windows, even the teachers are fighting to get a look. Principle comes running out, wouldnt stfu thanking me for coming, i was like "lets get this sh1t done",,I walk in and its some kinda kindergarten cop sh1t, i tower over these *******, everyone of them looked weak as sh1t, not a jacked fibra in sight. I start talking, telling these punks the kind sh1t i deal in running this town. Got a couple kids talking so i throw some di[ctionaries at their heads, didnt hear a sound after that. About 5 minutes in and thesr guys cant get enough, wanna hear how i burnt some rival club down with the ***** owner inside. TEachers laughing n sh1t hearing about me wreckin skulls every damn night, i got the kind of life these btches wished they had, not some boring assed teaching job. 

I finish up, got a standing ovation. I tell em they got one question and not to waste my ****ing time with anything stupid. ***** kids too scared to talk so the teacher asks me when im gonna run for mayor of this town, how they need a leader like mewho knows how to get sh1t done. im like "mayor aint sh1t to me, im gonna e running this ndamn country in 5 years"

Everyone starts clapping n cheering, so i give em a quick flex of my 18's, teacher damn near fainted, still had time to give me her number before i strutted the hell outta there. Kids r still clapping as i get to my car, and i speed off leaving em to choke in my fumes.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Mangled some high school ******* in the park

Just another saturday for me son, counting the takings from my security company then spending a couple o hours jacking this frame the **** up.

Driving back from the gym, got my 18 hanging out the side, letting people know who the **** is crusing past in the Porsche when i get a call from Little T. Tells me to come by the park, crews there, couples of 10s, beer n sh1t is flowing, only thing missin is my strong assed self.Get there, only problem is aint no spaces in the car park so i smash some b1tches cheap ass civic window with a brick, take off the brake n rolled that sh1t outta the space into the street. Couple ******* saw me but didnt dare say sh1t, especially since im rockin a sleeveless shirt,

Meet uop with the crew in the park. Grab myself some beer outta the cooler and put some ice on my biceps. straight away girls r all over me trying to touch me n sh1t, telling me im the biggest guy they've ever seen. Wanna see how strong i am so i lift one up n start pressing her over my head, aint even breaking a sweat, shes enjoying it, gigglin n sh1t. The other one starts asking how many pull ups i can do. im like "sh1t, i bust out 200 for fun". About now crews all jealous n sh1t seein them all over me. Little T starts talking sh1t about doing 500 pull-ups, reckons he do em all day, so i tell him to man the **** up and show us what hes got.,

I flex up n Little T grabs holda my arm, starts doing pull ups off of my bicep, girls are going wild seeing this kinda sh1t. T's repping em out, done about 120 by now and hes struggling like a *****. Im like "sh1t son, that all you got", girls start laughing at his weak assed attempt as he slips and falls on the ground. Im about ready to wreck Little T upside the head for being such a b1tch when some football comes flyin in n hits one of the girls in the face. She starts crying n sh1t, her sniffling is annoying the **** outta me when some guy starts hollering from across the park, want their football back. Im thinking "hell no, somebodys about to get their sh1t mangled"

About now guy starts talking sh1t cause i still got his ball so i launch it like a polish missile 200 yards right into that b1tches face. Even from here i see blood n sh1t go flying. Caved his ****ing face in. His friends see him hit the ground n come running over. Staright away i smash one guy upside the head with a full beer can. He went down like a b1tch, probably brain damaged or sum sh1t cause he starts droolin n shaking. Crews going to work on the other guys, ******* aint putting up a fight, dont even have to try, knocking em out all over ther ****ing place. I pick one guy up and throw him 20ft into some bushes, heard some loud snap, musta broke his neck cause he didnt come out.

Mangled those *****s the **** up, left about a dozen guys on that field. Like some kinda warzone. Everyday sh1t to me though son.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I'm the new face of 'JACKED' supplments

So last saturday morning im in the gym, tearing up the 200lb dumbells and the gym manager comes over and starts giving me sh1t about snapping sum bars squating n sh1t. Hes like "those bars werent built to handle that kinda weight" so i tell him "your face wasnt built to handle my 18's" so he backs off like a ***** and goes back to his desk.

Im half way into my 5 hourr routine, musta had about half a ton over my head when some guy in a cheap assed suit comes over. His glasses damn near cracked seeing me shifting some serious pounds. Im like "what the **** u want son?" and hes all sorry n sh1t for bustin in on my session. He tells me hes from some huge ass company, they heard about me, how im serious sh1t in the muscle world, they had to send someone down to check on this polish revolution.

Hes all ike "we want you to back our new supplment" so i throw down the weights and tell him "go find a protein *****, im natural jacked" but hes all grinin n sh1t telling me their new blend is 100% prtoeins free, meant for professional athletes like me. Tells me hes got a quarter mil in his briefcase and a first class ticket to the labs to do some testing n sh1t, see if im on board.

Flew out to the lab thst night, some kind nasa sh1t, they got pictures of me all over the walls, studying my jacked frame, wanna know how my muscles work. Hook me up to sum machines, testing my strength, scene like right outta Rocky 4 except i aint no fake ass actor, .Went off the scale on every damn test, got f@gs in white coats running all over the place, alarms going off everywhere, musta blown the computers or sum sh1t, they aint built to calculate muscle this dense. One guys tries to xray my biceps, see how deep these diamond cuts go, problem is the ***** assed xrays cant pass through my fibras, turns out my body is like a piece of lead, theyaint never seen sh1t like this before,

ABout an hour later and they bring me some samples, got my face on the container, marketing knew my polska good looks will help shift a couple hundred million boxes of this sh1t. Comes in two flavors, vanilla and jack daniels. Im like "this sh1t work?" and the management starts laughing "hell, no, its just grounded up bones n sh1t, meant for *****s with weak ass genetics who cant grow muscles natural" Me n the directors hollering for a good 20 mins at the thought of those b1tches who buy this sh1t thinking they gonna get jacked. just a pay day to me though son.

Signed a couple hundred autographs for the directors n workers, got in a quick bicep workout then flew the **** home with another 2 mil.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I could do some serious damage in strongman

With my jacked up muscles and strong ass determination i could mess peoples sh1t up at world strongman. Serriously, when i shift my mind into workout mode you know some heavy ass weights are gonna be lifted, no pussied ass b1tches come close to my level of jackology in this town. 

Not only are my muscles big but they've got more layers of fibras n **** than other peoples. Just the other day my man J-Bomb thought he was cokcy sh1t since hes pretty damn jacked too put he aint got sh1t on me. We set up some weights in my backyard, topless in this weather, real man sh1t here son, no time for ***** assed health spas, i schooled his ass, should have seen his eyes, couldnyt believe the kinda sh21t i was lifting.

2 more months of lifting and im gona compete, im gonna blow these ******* away, sponsors all over my storong assed Polish self beggng me to advertise drinks n ****, you ever see a strongman with a sixpack like me??, hell no,. ill be a revolation, you'd best get ready for this son.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Some fools tried to set me up

So im chilling in the garden, getting some sun on my strong assed self, bronzin up like a greek god or some sh1t when i get a call from Little T. Trusn out some ******* from outa town know about the kid of sh1t i deal in, money and beat downs, and wanted to arrange a little collection job on some b1tches who owed a couple of g.T's hollering about hes got a bad feeling about this sh1t but i aint worried, 

We suit up, all black, balaclavas n sh1t, T's into samurai swords, all kinda blades n sh1t, the rest of the crews rollin with our trademark pool ball n sock combo. Aint nothing else like crackin a skill with a pool ball in a sock, like some medieval sh1t swinging it around.

Told to collect the cash in a bar outa town, turn up and the place is dead, Ts all up in my face about some fbi setup or some sh1t but il like "chill the **** out, aint nobody crazy enough to try sh1t with me"

Go in throuhg the back door, lights out, im like a Polish stealth bomber, invisible and deadly. Crews checkin the back out, i go into the bar when the next thing i know some ***** has got a rope around my neck trying to choke me. Im thinking "hell no son, you gotta try harder than that."

A quick spin and were face t face, you could see him turn ***** there and then. Just a glimpse of me grinning is enough to make him start beggin for his life but i aint got time for that sh1t.. I inroduced him to my sock, start crackin bones n sh1t, deformed the **** outta him,. Mangled his ass.

crew dragged him out back and tied him to the back of thecar,. Dragged his ass 20 miles before cuttin him loose. Still smiling nowthinking of that that ***** rollin all over the road